


Failure

by SDBookFan



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, please mind the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 01:45:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12643614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SDBookFan/pseuds/SDBookFan
Summary: Roman's supposed to be perfect. Why does he keep failing?





	Failure

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my tumblr at ec-sanderssides

Roman kept his smile up as he walked down the hall of the mindscape to his room. It wouldn’t do to let anyone see him at anything but his best. Especially since he’d already messed up once today.

Thomas had been looking for video ideas and he was supposed to have come up with one by today. But he hadn’t been able to, not really. Sure he’d offered a few suggestions, but they’d all been shot down within seconds. Nothing he’d thought of had been good enough.

Feeling his breathing start to pick up, Roman increased his pace slightly. Thankfully he managed to make it to his room before running into any of the other sides. With shaking hands he locked the door, and made his way to his bed.

Now protected from the possibility of anyone coming in and seeing him, Roman couldn’t hold back any longer. He began to rock a bit, as his breathing began to come in faster and more shallow.

“You stupid prince,” he muttered, “You couldn’t even do your damn job.”

His hands began to push up his sleeves in preparation for what came next.

“It should have been easy for you,” he hissed, “but no, you’re nothing but a FAILURE!”

At the last word, he let his right hand come down, nails digging in and sharply pulling downward, as he raked them across his left arm, leaving lines of red and raised skin behind.

“Look at you, supposed to be the perfect prince,” he continued, his voice mocking and filled with self loathing, “and all you manage to be is a perfect disappointment.”

As he spoke, he let his nails scratch deeper and deeper, as his hand moved faster and faster.

“You know you have to be better than this,” he sneered, “Because what do you think will happen if you can’t, hmm? That’s right, they’ll leave you behind, like the worthless little time-waster you are.”

His arm was covered in scratches now, not an inch of skin on the underside of his forearm left unblemished. It hurt, it always did.

He looked down at it. “You deserve this,” he muttered, “It’s the only way to teach yourself a lesson. If you were better you wouldn’t have to do this, but you’re not, so this is the only way.”

Some days this would be where it ended, the punishment having been enough to fit the crime. But today? After he had failed at his most basic job? It wasn’t enough.

Walking over to his desk, Roman pulled out an unbent paperclip from his drawer. It was perfect. Holding his arm out, he began to carve letters into it. He was careful, as he always was not to carve to deeper. That’s why he never used a blade, although he’d thought about it. After all it wouldn’t do to leave scars. That might lead to awkward questions from the others.

Soon his carving was finished, his arm stinging even more. He looked down on it.

FAILURE

It was a good reminder, to do better next time. And he would! Then he wouldn’t need to punish himself. Someday he’d never need to punish himself again. He’d be perfect. He had to be, he had to.


End file.
